Taking Out The Trash

A sinister conspiracy

This morning it was the usual struggle to write a cheque because of the design of the chequebook; then I partially sliced my hand because the peeler was similarly ill-equipped.

For the left-handed - life is just that little bit more difficult. I mean, President Obama has got some mighty forces ranged against him and he's also cackhanded. (Do you reckon they try and not stage photoshoots where he has to sign anything?)

Then I read this review of Juliet Nicolson's new book about life after World War One and realised how institutional this prejudice is. Nicolson talks about the compensation offered to injured veterans.

"The loss of a full right arm from the shoulder downwards was worth sixteen shillings a week. Fourteen shillings were awarded if the arm was missing from below the shoulder but above the elbow, and then the rate dropped to eleven shillings and sixpence for limbs missing from below the elbow." The left arm merited a shilling less all round.

At least reporters' notebooks are designed to be operated by people both sinister and dexterous.

The Daily Show on MPs' expenses

I know I'm about a week late on this but I've been schlepping up and down the M6. So, for those who haven't seen it, John Stewart's very funny take on the MPs' expenses scandal.

Downfall moves

I've moved my Downfall mash-up to here.

Downfall moves

I've moved my Downfall mash-up to here.

That downfall video

Views on the Downfall Wiltshire mashup are edging towards 500 which is about 495 more than I expected.
Back in the office on Monday after a week at Disneyland so will find out if the CX would like a word in my shell-like. Update: I've moved it to here.

I caught a food bug at Disneyland so my last 48 hours were spent throwing up and feeling grey. Perhaps everyone should now indelibly link Disney with the feeling of nausea and that we we wouldn't have to put up with High School Musical 3.

A Wiltshire mashup

I particularly liked the mashup where Hitler found out his BNP membership details had been leaked so thought I'd give it a go.
A little download of the Downfall clip, a little playing around in Windows Movie Maker, a little saving the film, then a lot of cursing because it won't save so have to reimport the video. You know, the usual Microsoft fun.
Anyhow: Hitler finds out about the new unitary authority for Wiltshire. Remember, don't phone in; it's just for fun.

Update: moved it to here.

pigs: an update

As James Barlow points out; my pig rearing letter has history.
A swift response, extra information and nicely put.
The blogosphere in action.

On not rearing pigs

Got sent this by Ricky Knight the prospective Green MEP. Rather amusing.

> Rt Hon David Miliband MP
> Secretary of State,
> Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs (DEFRA),
> Nobel House
> 17 Smith Square
> London SW1P 3JR
>
> 16 May 2007
>
> Dear Secretary of State,
>
> My friend, who is in farming at the moment, recently received a
> cheque for £3,000 from the Rural Payments Agency for not rearing
> pigs. I would now like to join the "not rearing pigs" business.
>
> In your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to rear pigs on,
> and which is the best breed of pigs not to rear? I want to be sure I
> approach this endeavour in keeping with all government policies, as
> promoted by the EU under the Common Agricultural Policy.
>
> I would prefer not to rear bacon pigs, but if this is not the type
> you want not rearing, I will just as gladly not rear porkers. Are
> there any advantages in not rearing rare breeds such as Saddlebacks
> or Gloucester Old Spots, or are there too many people already not
> rearing these?
>
> As I see it, the hardest part of this programme will be keeping an
> accurate record of how many pigs I haven't reared. Are there any
> Government or Local Authority courses on this?
>
> My friend is very satisfied with this business. He has been rearing
> pigs for forty years or so, and the best he ever made on them was
> £1,422 in 1968. That is - until this year, when he received a cheque
> for not rearing any.
>
> If I get £3,000 for not rearing 50 pigs, will I get £6,000 for not
> rearing 100?
>
> I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to
> about 4,000 pigs not raised, which will mean about £240,000 for the
> first year. As I become more expert in not rearing pigs, I plan to
> be more ambitious, perhaps increasing to, say, 40,000 pigs not
> reared in my second year, for which I should expect about £2.4
> million from your department. Incidentally, I wonder if I would be
> eligible to receive tradable carbon credits for all these pigs not
> producing harmful and polluting methane gases?
>
> Another point: These pigs that I plan not to rear will not eat 2,000
> tonnes of cereals. I understand that you also pay farmers for not
> growing crops. Will I qualify for payments for not growing cereals
> to not feed the pigs I don't rear?
>
> I am also considering the "not milking cows" business, so please
> send any information you have on that too. Please could you also
> include the current Defra advice on set aside fields? Can this be
> done on an e-commerce basis with virtual fields (of which I seem to
> have several thousand hectares)?
>
> In view of the above you will realise that I will be totally
> unemployed, and will therefore qualify for unemployment benefits.
>
> I shall of course be voting for your party at the next general
> election.
>
> Yours faithfully,